heart of the matter

[ellyssian]

I wrote this poem a little less than a month ago. Haven't mentioned it, except to Stacy, and I probably wouldn't have, but...

If I said my heart weighs heavy on the matter, it would be in both the emotional and physical sense. I've been taking more nitro pills now than I did in the months immediately following the heart attack/stent at the end of April last year. Things just haven't been right. We've been tweaking my meds for blood pressure, and I take a ton ~ about 17 times the prior dosage ~ of fish oil.

Anyway, this poem sort of sums up where I've been mentally and physically for the past month or so...

heart of the matter
By Everett A Warren
February 19, 2012

defective products
spoil us
no matter how weak
the consumer protections
when something breaks
we expect something
a notice in the mail
factory recall
replace or repair
and this piece of 2x4
a board in the left side
something is wrong
maybe it can get fixed
maybe it can't
a slew of pills a day
each day
forever
keeping me alive
a prescription cocktail
skip and die
how many?
not one, that's happened before
maybe two or three?
maybe a dozen or more?
i do not know
and
i do not want to find out
the wrong way
and when i
kiss
my kids goodbye
and when i
kiss
my love goodnight
it's in the back of my mind
each time
each kiss
each goodbye

which is the last?

Copyright (c) 2012 Everett Ambrose Warren