Grin and Bear It

[ellyssian]

Haven't mentioned this at all, so here's an update in convenient bulleted form:

• The shark bear is in the park development
• It has been seen pretty much daily, multiple times, for a week or more
• According to the ladies who've seen it, it's huge
• According to the DCNR guy who lives down the street, it's last year's cub, recently let loose from mommy's side, and is only 450 pounds
• He followed it to the bottom of my driveway, where it proceeded to walk into my neighbors yard and eat their garbage
• Yes, again. They still leave their garbage out
• Yes, they complained, picked it up, and it is still outside, less than 50 feet from where we go around a blind corner to get into the cars
• Mr. B is, for reference sake, approximately two bites for a large bear. Maybe three or four for a smaller bear.
• The PA Game Commissioner says they will most likely not relocate the bear
• They relocate bears to a location six miles away from here
• Bears travel 50 miles in search of birdseed, their prey-of-choice, or 49 miles in search of garbage, or 47.3 miles for any other edible foods
• I made up part of that prior item, the extraneous bit that didn't have to do, exactly, with traveling 50 miles for food
• The solution is to not put out birdseed for 3 weeks and to not leave your garbage out
• I didn't make that one up; they have it on good authority that the bear will wait 2 weeks and 6 days before it gets too hungry to bear it any longer (pun quite intended, no matter how cheap it was) and will walk 50 miles away to find more birdseed and garbage
• If you must leave your garbage out, disguise the smell of it with moth balls and ammonia
• The bear will not, under any circumstances, realize that it can get into most houses without really trying too hard, even though it can smell just about every food item in them
• Random Factoid: A woman used a chocolate scented leather restorer on the leather seats of her Ford Explorer. The bear broke two or three windows and peeled back parts of the roof so it comfortably dine on the seats.
• Despite the township insisting that no one should put trash out until 6am the day of pickup, several neighbors put their bear food down on the curb as early as 2pm the day before.
• Did I mention my next door neighbors leave the trash out 24-7?
• And that the bear, a repeat customer, has them programmed into his GPS as a point of interest?
• I thought I might have
• I will be working security detail tomorrow morning when aequitaslevitas puts the trash out
• Security detail consists of singing, loudly, and, in case the bear is a patron of the finer arts, completely off-key, the anti bear song

Comments

Re: hi!

[ellyssian.livejournal.com]

Well sure, however those tunes won't work here. Some of the bears might have strolled through NYC, so chances of them being Ramones fans is higher than in Alaska, and the Cramps have the psychobilly thing going on, and this is Appalachia, known to some as Pennsyltucky... you just never can tell with bears.

Me, I'm just going to sing the old classic: "I'm singinggggg sooooo the beeeeeeaaaaarsssss run awaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy from heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere!"

Of course, it will be 6am so I may not sing it quite so tunefully. Might come out more like "ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" which should get 'em on the run even quicker.

I hope. =)