The Ecology of the Scope Creep: Episode Four

[ellyssian]

The Ecology of the Scope Creep
A Programmers Nightmare Elucidated

Presented in four parts

Episode three: Habitat of the Scope Creep

The Life and Times of the Scope Creep

"Oh, yeah, that sounds like a really good idea, but it would be better if it could also..."

- anonymous client, crawling with Creeps

Scope Creeps begin their lives as innocent ideas and concepts that become more and more corrupt with the passage of time and the approach of deadlines. There is no such thing as an “average lifespan” when discussing the Scope Creep, or rather, not when referring to the creature itself. It has been well documented in numerous medical studies that the individuals who are exposed to one or more Scope Creeps during the course of a project have a significantly shorter lifespan than those who have never come into contact with one of the monstrosities.

The medical complaints experienced by those exposed to a Scope Creep range from mild allergic symptoms (quite common amongst programmers and managerial-types who were programmers in one or more of their past lives) to intense stress related disorders, such as high blood pressure and heart malfunctions. One common response, considered particular to the aeffects of the Scope Creep, is that of a partial or total neural shutdown, specifically regarding incapacitated decision-making abilities. The most telling symptom of this documented medical condition is the refusal to make any progress or accept any thing new – often the afflicted will mumble: "But we've always done it this way" over and over, even when everyone else has given up listening to them.

As should be expected with such foul, verminous creatures, even their Avatars are not immune to certain health maladies. An inflated sense of self is a common symptom, although many of the Scope Creep's choice hosts are predisposed to the condition. Eyesight and hearing of the host are often compromised, resulting in partial or total blindness (referred to in medical circles as “Blinders”) and the inability to hear any criticism of the impact the Scope Creep causes in the project, particularly regarding deadlines that need to be met.

Many Scope Creeps seem intimately tied to the project deadline, so much so, in fact, that there is a common opinion in the field that a deadline, if met, will prove the end of the line for a Scope Creep. This is patently untrue of course, as any Scope Creep worth his teeth will not let go of their Avatar or their purpose in life unless there is a better, more damaging opportunity available. The Scope Creep may become quiescent, but it does not truly die, even long after a project has been completed. A creature of infinite patience, it awaits, knowing, sooner or later, someone will review the project for lessons learned, or perhaps even glance back longingly at a job well done or botched, and at that time, spectral and sepulchral, the Scope Creep will arise to further its mission of terror.

It would be expected, at this point, to discuss how the creatures reproduce, but the less said of this process the better, for they are quite prolific in producing progeny, and the act itself is horrific beyond comprehension. There is also some confusion as to a chicken and egg situation – do the Scope Creeps exist because a thought like that which began this section springs into an untrained mind, or do such ponderings occur because of the influence of the creature?

It should also be noted at this time that Scope Creeps may not be limited to the realm of Technology and Programming projects. Rumours linger that any time one or more people gather to discuss what can or should be, a Scope Creep is likely to be watching, if not actively participating, in the decision making process.

It is this researcher's personal opinion that many of the odd behaviours associated with techies and computer geeks – including isolation from the remainder of society, strange quirks in manner and dress, and severely impaired relationship skills – are the results, either directly or indirectly, of a blight caused by the Scope Creep, having to do with the complete fear that the aforementioned rumours are actually understated and under-reported facts. As I see several Scope Creeps approaching as I write this, I shall not detail this theory further at this time, or this article will never be completed, and all scholarly aspirations as the pre-eminent expert in the field of Scope Creepology will fail to come to fruition.