Dad Update

[ellyssian]

He's stopped responding to stimuli. I've been helping the nurse move him, and, while yesterday he could turn with her assistance, hold on to the rail, and all I had to do was comfort him, today I had to actually lift and hold him. He doesn't move, except for an occasional twitch. He snores after we move him - kind of kick starts things I guess - but then he settles down.

Quite a few scary patches, gathered everyone around. His mom and brother and sister in law arrived from NC last night and came in with us this morning. He's gone about 30 seconds between a breath at times. Morphine was upped from 2 to 3 at 3am, from 3 to 4 at 9am, to 5 at 10am, and to 6ml/hour at some time later in the day.

I've been ripping the days off the calendar, but somehow I still managed to not know the date today. Dan and I are fairly exhausted after a day - uncle offered to take us out for dinner and beer, and we both declined. Keeping small sentences, because I'm fricking tired.

Consensus is he's not a fighter but he's stubborn; we keep telling him we've got things covered here, to ride free, to go off to the endless acreages with endless John Deere tractors to tool about in (the farm, of course, managed on a Linux system,) and so on, but he's sticking around.

Cool to the touch most of the time. If you're not an expert, the pulse can't be found. Breathing is fairly regular - including the pause every 3 or 4 breaths. Color borders on legal pad yellow, especially in places. Eyes are brighter yellow, but only saw maybe two or three glimpses. Some low moans.

Mom's sleeping over again - she may come home briefly tomorrow, but she didn't today. Applied two seasickness patches - apparently, they work by drawing away moisture, which is to the benefit as phlegmy stuff accumulates in throat and lungs.

Long day. At least Brandon actually slept all last night. I mostly did, and this time I can't blame any sleepless patches on anyone else. Sounds like he's down tonight as well.

Justin is still holding up, he's quiet about it, says he understands what's going on and is okay. Deb is doing good - even said Brandon was as well behaved as a 16 month nicknamed Mr. Destructo can be. Rachel broke down today, went off and cried for a bit, then composed herself.

Grandma and my mom both broke down at pretty much the same time, but that was my mom's first in 3 days. The sitter she's had for the past two nights as helped comfort her, and she did talk about crying into a pillow, so she's not holding it all in all the time.

We had a chaplain come in and say a few words - dad's an atheist, but his mom definitely isn't, so it was mostly for her comfort. It did help, though. Since dad doesn't respond, we're not sure he can hear anyway - or, since hearing is the last sense to go, whether he can process what he hears.

Dan and I are both holding up. My grandmother said she's mostly holding up, but it really gets to her at certain times, which is how it will be for all of us (not to mention everyone else who goes through something like this) from now on. Sometimes we'll be fine, but at that certain moment, it will come back and hit us hard. On the ride home, Dan and I talked about this, and how it has happened with his neighbor, friends from work, our two grandfathers and my mom's mom.

Just want to reassure you we are as well as we can be under the circumstances. Unfortunately, the circumstances suck. Since everything else has gone unexpectedly wrong with this illness, and rapidly, now it seems as if the pace is slowing down just to mock us. Also talked a lot about the selfish nature - it's good for dad if he goes fast, but it's good for all of us, because we're taking a beating too. No win situation.

In other news, we made the connection with the funeral home, and will be discussing further details with them after my dad passes.

I probably missed stuff, but that's enough for now. Thanks again for your continued support!

Comments

[opakele.livejournal.com]

It sounds like you are handling it the best you can. I do not look forward to this scene with my dad. I went through it with Husband, though. That was different, too.

Hang tough and enjoy your family together. It's too bad it has to be like this.

You and your family will be in my thoughts.

[eyes-of-cyrene.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you have the comfort and support of family around you. Having been through this with my mom, my grandmother, my ex-husband's grandmother, and my mother-in-law... I know how critical that is.

I hope for everyone's sake that he lets go and goes in peace.

nhmetalchick

[nhmetalchick.livejournal.com]

Hugs babe, ya know I'm here if you guys need anything. Poor Rachel,if ya think she needs a small break from things maybe Friday after school I can come down and Deb and I can take Rachel and Haley.. well all the kids, out for a while to get a little change of scenery. Run it by Deb and let me know. My guys will understand what their going through, they just lost their great-grandfather xmas night. I'll call ya tomorrow night, well tonight now, and you can let me know.